Monday, February 28, 2011

Another word on selling a house "by owner"

Dear potential buyers of my home,

I truly hate to inform you that "For Sale by Owner" means just that. It doesn't mean that I would like to allow you to rent-to-own my home (for it is not a recliner you can have delivered and subsequently repossessed for non-payment to the Rent-A-Center). It doesn't mean I would like to entrust you with the duty of making payments directly to my husband and me. I am not interested in becoming your landlord. "For Sale By Owner" means I would like for you to go to a bank, apply for a loan, get approved for the loan, and bring Allen and me a check at closing made out in the amount of about $135,000.

Jessica Bunn

The following is a real email

As a follow up to the "I would like to purchase your home. Please let me transfer my $7.5 million fortune to an account in your name for safe keeping" email, I received the following. Perhaps this one is to convince me that the email is NOT a hoax. Great job.


Federal Bureau Of Investigation.
FBI-Washington Field Office
601 4th Street, NW
Washington, DC 20535
Phone: 206-338-4491 Fax: 206-666-4132

We have just discovered that your inheritance/winning FUND (US$7.5m) was transferred to another account under your name. This attempt was perpetrated by a staff of Microsoft inc., who claims to be working for you and he also claimed that you have given him due authority to have the FUND moved.

Most certainly, your fund has been subjected to various rigorous verifications due to your inability to perform your required obligation. The impostor took advantage of his professional knowledge of internet to intercept your original fund notification message. Now, it has been brought back to my notice and I promise to stop at nothing in making sure that you receive your rightful fund this time. We are very sorry for the delay in releasing your fund and we regret all inconveniences this might have caused you. It was further revealed that initial FUND transfer originated from England and now here in a Bank in USA.

All you have to do is ignore all other contacts about your fund and follow my instruction strictly. We have put a hold on the transfer that was about being done by an impostor who claimed to be working for you.

It was vividly established that your name was used to have the said fund transferred illegally to a Bank in America without due process and proper documentation. This was done secretly and we detected that. That must be cleared forthwith.
For your information, you are now required to obtain a Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST) document. This important document consists of; CERTIFICATE OF OWNERSHIP, ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONEY LAUNDERING CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE and DRUG-FREE CERTIFICATE. All these documents will indicate that you are not involved in any acts of terrorism or money laundering. Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer (DIST) is most vital in this transaction.

Therefore, we are directing you to contact the Anti Graft Department Financial Crimes Commission (F.C.C.), United Kingdom for further instruction on how to obtain the document. Contact the Chairman of the Department, Mr. Spencer Moore through his email address: or his direct phone number: +447024046854. He will obtain the document on your behalf and forward same to us.
Note that you are to pay a stipulated fee of $875.00 for the processing and procurement of the DIST document. We have tried our possible best to see that this $875.00 should be deducted from your fund but we found out that the funds have already been deposited at Citi Bank and cannot be accessed by anyone except the legally appointed beneficiary (you). Upon confirmation of this, we will release your fund for immediate transfer into your bank account as clean fund.

Endeavor to forward the following information to Mr. Spencer L. Moore.


This information will be used in the DIST document procurement. This is very important. Be warned that you have 72hrs to have this document obtained, failure will buttress the fact that you are actually involved in this act of terrorism funding and/or money laundering. The DIST document will only prove otherwise,
Therefore; have it obtained within the given time frame. We will be expecting to hear from Mr. Spencer Moore that you have obtained the vital document.

Faithfully Yours,
Robert S. Mueller 111
FBI Director
Federal Bureau Of Investigation.
FBI-Washington Field Office
601 4th Street, NW
Washington, DC 20535

Friday, February 25, 2011

Simple Pleasures

Jesus created days like today so kids in Statesboro, GA could sit on the porch and enjoy frosty cold beverages. I am so sad I can't be there now with some of my favorites (Nancy, Brandy, ABunn) enjoying a shared picture of beer. The best times I have had in my life consisted of sitting on that lovely porch, watching Statesboro pass by. It was even better when we weren't "dolled up" -- just frat t-shirts, jeans, flip flops and sunglasses.

Dingus, take me away...

Thursday, February 17, 2011

The following are real emails.

Current lesson: Selling a house "by owner" is quite possibly the biggest pain in the you-know-what. I am slowly realizing that maybe there is some validity to realtor's jobs and maybe, just maybe, they may be worth the 8% (but maybe not).

These are real emails I have received regarding our home (These have been copied and pasted in their original format -- so you can get the full effect).

Potential buyer: Would like to see pics of inside plz does it have a basment or storm shleter what it ur lowest price it would be cash thanks
Email #2 (from same person): Sorry I can't I live in I'll right now but moving. That way soon I will keep all ur info. I'm looking on here for now I just want to fine a place buy then move all at once it will be cash for the house that I fine. But would plz send more piz I have looked a a few it u don't mine would plz send addy and town with pics so I can remember witch. House and town its at. Thanks

Dear Sir/Madam,
I was directed by my client, Mrs Nadine Brigit Gupta to contact you and I'm writing in regards to the transfer of US$7.5million (equivalent GBP£4,712,189.48) from a dormant Fixed deposit account belonging to late Mr Raja Gupta, Husband to Mrs Nadine Brigit Gupta, who is presently taking treatment at Cancer center: Christie Hospital NHS Trust.
Let me begin by commending you for your prompt response to Mrs Gupta's proposal and also i appreciate your willingness to work with me in executing Mrs Brigit Gupta's wish. I believe that it marks the beginning of a lifetime business and interpersonal relationship with you. Let me emphasize that as partners in this deal, you and I must Allow MUTUAL TRUST, HONESTY AND CONFIDENTIALITY to mark the foundation of our relationship, as these are the minimal basis that will enable us work well together. Having said this let me bring you into the full picture of what we are doing so that you will understand what your role will be in facilitating the quick completion of Mrs Brigit Gupta's wish.

According to Mrs Gupta's instructions, find below her proposal for proper implementation of her wish with her US$7,500,000. She instructed that:

1. 70% of her money which is $5,250,,000 should be donated to reliable childcare's charity organization or alternatively for establishment of a new children charity organization in her husband's Name. And also for taking care of any expenses in the course of this transaction and for the purchase of properties which will be donated to the charity organisation

2. 30% of her money which is $2,250,000 should be paid to the your for kindness and assistance as her appointed beneficiary for your commitment and support.

It is my duty to ensure that all the relevant information and documents that would authorize you the access to the funds would be forwarded to the bank accordingly by me and I would give you the necessary guidance and directives you might need to ensure that the paying Bank approves your name as the authorized beneficiary of the fund.

With the above conditions of myself and yourself executed accordingly as partners, i am very sure that we would conclude this project of receiving the $7,500,000. for the establishment of a charity organization as instructed by my client, Mrs Nadine Brigit Gupta within a couple of days. You are well matured to know that this project needs utmost confidentiality because this is a monetary issue.

I thank you once again for your mail and I assure you of a good relationship while I wait your immediate response and please state the below information of yours and you are kindly advised to attach a scan copy of your drivers' license or passport which I would use to procure relevant documents of this project in your favor as the appointed beneficiary.

1) Full Name
2) Address.
3) Contact Phone numbers and fax.
4) Occupation.
5) Position in your work place.
6) Age and Marital Statues.

I wait for your urgent response in this regard confirming your willingness to partner with me in this deal for the fulfillment of my client's wish.

Yours sincerely,
Sir Frederick MacGregor ESQ.
Legal practitioners.
Direct Telephone:- +447024084999

That is all for now.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

You're Ruining America.

Whilst browsing the ol' Twitter feed the other day, I can across a tweet by the little bronze beast herself, Nicole Polizzi (aka Snooki), of Jersey Shore fame. Snooki Snickers was promoting her new line of slippers -- yes, "house shoes."


A person who dresses in stripper gear and shuffles around a dirty beach house in oversized fluffy house slippers from K-Mart is now considered a shoe designer.

Another self-proclaimed "guidette" from the show now has a perfume line.

JWoww and The Situation have each written autobiographies. And I'm sure they don't know the difference between "too, two and to" or "their, they're and there."

So all it takes to become famous and financially independent is a crew of MTV cameras following you 24-7. As Allen would say, "They are exactly what is wrong with America."

But I love to watch anyway! ;)

Monday, February 14, 2011

I don't care about Valentine's Day.

True story. I'm happily married, but I think V-Day is an over-commercialized crock of crap.

Sorry if you feel differently. Enjoy waiting an hour in line for a crappy meal at Outback tonight.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Adventures in Good Dog Academy (aka Fun with Jack Bunn)

Our darling Jack (aka "Jackson" when he is in trouble) attended his second session of "Good Dog Academy" last night, and I must say session #2 was FULL of just that.

Let's start at the beginning.

Three weeks ago, Allen and I attended the orientation session of GDA, sans canine, to learn all we need to know about the course. Dogs are left out of the first session so owners can concentrate on all the "nuts and bolts" involved in training your dog to be a "good" one.

Last week, the dogs were invited to attend their very first session. Allen wasn't able to attend due to coming down with the flu, so Jack and I trotted off to Good Dog Academy, just the two of us. I was really nervous about how Jack would respond to the class, but as soon as we arrived my worries melted away. He was just precious -- tail wagging, tongue out and prancing galore. He responded to his name and to the clicker. He took as many treats as I would give him. Just perfect.

With Allen on the mend, he was able to attend last night's class. It is widely known that Jack is completely terrified of Allen, which I don't really understand because the dog has Allen wrapped around his finger. At any rate, we arrived at the training spot and took our places. Jack flipped out most of the time--completely inattentive, nervous and whimpering a little bit (who knows why!).

In some brief moment of insanity, I handed Jack's leash to Allen. The moment the leash hit Allen's hand, Jack let it all go. POOP everywhere. Poop on the floor, poop on his paws, EVERYWHERE. And then, just for good measure, he decided to pee too. So I have a nervous husband holding the leash of an even more nervous dog who has just relieved himself all over the training area in front of the entire class. I could have crawled in a hole and died.

Here's to hoping next week is a better one for Jackson.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Take Your Double Standard and Shove It.

Every November, I endure the necessary dreaded doctor's appointment that makes all women cringe. For two straight years, my doc (a female) has lectured me on how I need to lose 10-15 pounds. Now, I realize that I packed on a few pounds over the last few years and that my family medical history dictates that I should be doing everything within my power to be healthy. I work out very often. I watch what I eat. I still can't lose 10 pounds.

My husband, on the other hand, goes to the doctor, and not a word is mentioned about needing to lose weight. He actually went to the doctor just yesterday because of a cold and the doctor PRAISED him for going to boot camp. We're talking one hour of exercise, 2 days a week. This is a guy who eats thinks ordering chicken fingers instead of a bacon cheeseburger is making a "good choice." Poor diet, minimal exercise...and let's not mention how stressed out this guy gets. He is a heart attack waiting to happen, yet his doctor gives him a pat on the back for going to boot camp?!

Why the double standard? Why is it okay for men to be overweight and women to be made to feel like complete slobs if we weigh more than 100 pounds? I can't enjoy ANYTHING without feeling guilty, yet my husband is so concerned with his quality of life (enjoying things NOW!) he won't dare make a sacrifice in the name of good health. But it's Saturday, Jess. You know today is the day we go to Ike's! But it's Saturday, Jess. I don't want to waste my day by going for a walk.

Please do not mistake this for an Allen-bashing post, because it isn't at all. I try my best to encourage him to make better choices, go for a walk with me, etc. but I have learned that I can't change anyone else's mind.

I think it is completely ridiculous that women are held to a standard that men simply aren't.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

I love the people in my life

From an email I received yesterday:

"Fortunately, my car is no longer screaming for service, and my roots are gone, so life is good."

From a Gchat conversation earlier today:

"Sometimes getting a husband to do what you want is harder than Obama keeping his healthcare bill intact." (Paraphrased, of course, because I closed out of the chat).

From a coworker commenting on my internet radio fix:

"Easy Like Sunday Morning. You've always got the jams going."

Me: "Yeah. Pandora is pretty good today."

Coworker: "What station do you listening to? Soft rock?"